WOW I just wrote like five paragraphs and hit something and they disappeared aaaahhhh well it was all about Karen and how I can't get her out of my mind and how people from our past still are part of us even when we don't stay close it was a lot more but perhaps I was not meant to post it .I pray for God to give the family closer. Iam laying in bed right now writing and feeling my little one grandson next to me very blessed to have these wonderful sleep overs he Rylyn had me and Matt laughing so last night. I put up a saying on my wall that says"BE THE CHANGE you wish to see IN THE WORLD" a good one but a hard one, one of the things I hate that I would like to change is how people are all wrapped up in whatever they are going through life revolves around one’s own head now don't get me wrong in times of loss ext.. we come together and try to comport each other but in most part we see through the eyes of self I had to try to smile and show happiness (which I truly felt) for someone’s happy news that he was so happy for and try to let go of and forgive the time I shared the same news with him and he gave me a 20min. lecture on bragging and that snake handlers in the back woods were better Christians than those who would brag???? at the time I was sharing like him last night something that was special to me and that I thought he would be happy for me lol so the change in the world I want to see last night was bite my lip don't bring up the past (he won't remember it the same) and show true happiness for him, I smiled I said congrats I hope I was a change??anyway see even in the seeing of it it’s the same for me seeing it how it affects me hurts me ext.... so help me father to fight the natural man and find my inner spirit and be her even when the mortal man woman fights  that