well I really feel for anyone who has been trying to follow my posts as there have not been any,in the past writing things down was a good couping  mechanism but as of late its been to hard to write down my thoughts of the days as just living them has taken all my energy and trying to rehash them on paper is just to exhausting but I need to say GOD is good and has gotten me through so much and helped me to let go and let him all the heart ache over Matts lack of life just reliving the drug scene is so sad and breaks my heart but I had him for a min. and now Gods turn again my heart mind and soul has been wounded by my daughters chooses but she is trying now to change that and I ask God daily to help her in that to protect and keep my grandson and keep me in his life,I have watched with amazement my brothers battle with cancer and how he keeps on keeping on I love him so,and my two nieces marriages and my son Paul's surprise marriage,new grandson on the way so many ups and downs in this thing we call life but all in all MY LIFE IS BLESSED and I have no right to bitch or feel sorry for myself I pray God continues to give me peace and I learn to facilitate and not enable .right now Iam in Washington visiting my third son mike and his sweetheart Brenda its a much needed time away with my sweet ever loving husband.I have learned its not the destination but the journey that counts and we have to see and hold on to the good friends love family ext... when it happens and let God and go of the hard bad times,God never said it would be easy only worth it and that's why Jesus died for our sins so we don't have to THANK YOU THANK YOU for this knowledge.