,so this should have been posted a while back but some how just got saved in stead so the blog below is the real latest one.well sence I don't get here very often I think I will never have much people reading lol anyway lots of life happing some wonderful some not so great I posted on facebook that even though my heart breaks for those things and people who are not within my control I relish in the fact that GOD IS AND LOVES US AND GOOD BAD HE IS THERE.Today is Monday had a great time with my BFF AND hubbys at the taste of redding and Iam here to tell you redding tastes pretty darn good lol for sure got our $40. dollers worth got some sun fun and good drinks and eats and to top of the day came home and had a bomb BBQ and games with great people ,the older I get the more I realize thats what its all about people you love who love you family friends ext.. I was tired but after tucking in hubby to bed went up in time to rock my youngest grandson to sleep WHAT AN AWSOME feeling to have that sweet wonderful baby in my arms and to rock and kiss his head and to injoy and play games with my lovely grandaughters Iam am so blessed.I can't help be sad and scared over other things happing around me and am a little needy but still blessed .Been watching some of the new line up for t.v. and I can't tell you how sad it is so much about the bad side of life lets give each other someting to live up too not down to.So excited my sister and family and brother are coming this week can't wait.The fair starts this week not really exited about it to much.THINKING OF MY DADDY as we come in to fathers day he is always with me but I miss seeing him touching him hearing him ILOVE YOU DAD HAPPY FATHERS DAY you are so much a part of who I am THANKYOU and I miss you .

well I really feel for anyone who has been trying to follow my posts as there have not been any,in the past writing things down was a good couping  mechanism but as of late its been to hard to write down my thoughts of the days as just living them has taken all my energy and trying to rehash them on paper is just to exhausting but I need to say GOD is good and has gotten me through so much and helped me to let go and let him all the heart ache over Matts lack of life just reliving the drug scene is so sad and breaks my heart but I had him for a min. and now Gods turn again my heart mind and soul has been wounded by my daughters chooses but she is trying now to change that and I ask God daily to help her in that to protect and keep my grandson and keep me in his life,I have watched with amazement my brothers battle with cancer and how he keeps on keeping on I love him so,and my two nieces marriages and my son Paul's surprise marriage,new grandson on the way so many ups and downs in this thing we call life but all in all MY LIFE IS BLESSED and I have no right to bitch or feel sorry for myself I pray God continues to give me peace and I learn to facilitate and not enable .right now Iam in Washington visiting my third son mike and his sweetheart Brenda its a much needed time away with my sweet ever loving husband.I have learned its not the destination but the journey that counts and we have to see and hold on to the good friends love family ext... when it happens and let God and go of the hard bad times,God never said it would be easy only worth it and that's why Jesus died for our sins so we don't have to THANK YOU THANK YOU for this knowledge.

found

lol found it this was the thing that I lost that went into drafts, well seems in my older years I spend much more time thinking than writing lol I know if I write it down its good but I find it’s hard to get here. I can't get Karen out of my mind we laid her to rest but she really isn't for me or her family Iam sure in tell we know what happened we will never know why because there is no ok reason for another to hurt someone like her and the worst case that someone who knew and loved her may have done this aaahhhh its horrible I know she is ok and in the BIG plan GODS got it but it’s still hard want to know want to understand sssooo sad .It brings back we all have diff parts of our life’s that mold us and help us to who we become the Tenney family was one of those for me for a while in my early married years Julie and I tried to stay close, letters and when she came to town she would come over but time and family got the better of us and now even though she has lived here for several years we haven't been close due to in some part her life revolves around the church and mine dose not I respect and take a lot from it but have to let some of it go due to my views and belief’s on gays etc.. Anyway if we aren’t blessed to have stayed close to our girl hood friends than a whole life time goes by and you have these broken connections I still feel close and love that family but realize just like mine a whole lifetime has gone by of children grandchildren spouses ext.,,,,, it’s sad but ok too, we still have our memories of our time together and we still can come together in these hard times of loss.

WOW I just wrote like five paragraphs and hit something and they disappeared aaaahhhh well it was all about Karen and how I can't get her out of my mind and how people from our past still are part of us even when we don't stay close it was a lot more but perhaps I was not meant to post it .I pray for God to give the family closer. Iam laying in bed right now writing and feeling my little one grandson next to me very blessed to have these wonderful sleep overs he Rylyn had me and Matt laughing so last night. I put up a saying on my wall that says"BE THE CHANGE you wish to see IN THE WORLD" a good one but a hard one, one of the things I hate that I would like to change is how people are all wrapped up in whatever they are going through life revolves around one’s own head now don't get me wrong in times of loss ext.. we come together and try to comport each other but in most part we see through the eyes of self I had to try to smile and show happiness (which I truly felt) for someone’s happy news that he was so happy for and try to let go of and forgive the time I shared the same news with him and he gave me a 20min. lecture on bragging and that snake handlers in the back woods were better Christians than those who would brag???? at the time I was sharing like him last night something that was special to me and that I thought he would be happy for me lol so the change in the world I want to see last night was bite my lip don't bring up the past (he won't remember it the same) and show true happiness for him, I smiled I said congrats I hope I was a change??anyway see even in the seeing of it it’s the same for me seeing it how it affects me hurts me ext.... so help me father to fight the natural man and find my inner spirit and be her even when the mortal man woman fights  that

well it was one heck of a weekend got the room all cleaned out and readdy to go .Picked up Matt monday morning was wonderful to see him a lot to deal with for him and us pray we all make it .GOD is great People are crazyyyyyyyyy.

AMEN.

well first good morning,I got busy yesterday and got a lot done that I had control over and it did make me feel much better.I also put out a help call to my children to come help today if they could within ten mens.my daughter answered and asked when I needed her with in two hours my youngest son answered and told me he would be here after two texs later my fourth son said ya sure he would be here (note he dose the most for me all the time hes my handy man lol) never heard from oldest son who has a big family and is very busy called him today and said don't worry about it as my hubby decided to help too. well than we hubby and I readdy  to go on dump runs but no pickup and no kids lol and no one answering phone,so go to daughters house to get pickup by the by our pickup we let her use and someone (she thinks she knows who) slashed her tiers aaaaaahhhhh we don't have the money to fix that right now,did you know the devil is using you to do evil and she dose not have any money.that's for the person who did it. Iam alwaysssssss floored by someone Else doing meanness or hurt to someone on purpose because I could never do that in my cut,my soul I know its wrong and would hurt me just as much to do that and believe me I have had cause in the past,the hardest is always those that would or do hurt my children,adults or not once when my daughter was only a teen someone did hurt her very much and I remember my anger and even plotting in my mind how I could get revenge ext... put never could have gone through with it as always came my inner voice they are Gods child too and they have a mother too ext... ext... and even tho there act was pure evil I know that someday even if not tell they face GOD himself they will have to answer to it. but alas it hurts so much that yet another bad thing has happened to my girl,she has had a very hard year and she deserves a break.For those that care pray for her for those who would do this crap,watch out other members of my family are not so forgiving as me. Well on the better things or not lol Matt called last night and now hes mad Iam sure because I hung up on him I shouldn't have but he was being rude and disrespectful of my feelings.So today Thought he would call back but has not trying Iam sure to give me MOM guilt as tomorrow is his Birthday so he better call than as I can't call him. Was such a beautiful day yesterday and today is nice but looks like it might cloud back over.When ever you start a long overdue project to clean up ext. it always leads to so many more that needs to be done aaaaahhhhh have to stay focused on project at hand witchfor now is getting the room cleaned out so Matt had a place to stay.